


Everything Wrong

by oxygenlove



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-03-30
Updated: 2012-03-30
Packaged: 2017-11-02 18:49:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,436
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/372180
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oxygenlove/pseuds/oxygenlove
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Robb is nothing and Jon is everything.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Everything Wrong

**Author's Note:**

> This was supposed to be a short drabble for the [GoT kink meme here](http://mockyrfears.livejournal.com/2421.html?thread=151413#t151413).  
> The prompt was - Jon/Robb. It's wrong, but oh so right.  
> Somehow, though, it became longer than I expected, and not as smutty as I intended.

Jon sometimes feels that there couldn't be any more wrongs in his life than there already are. As long as he could remember, he has always been a person full of wrongs - wrong stance in sword practice, wrong attitude to his elders, wrong way in treating friends - he's lost count on how many wrongs he has had and committed before he could correct them, one by one, and as he slowly learns how to be correct, in each and every way, as he tries with all his might to be better and better until he could no longer feel his feet shuffling along Winterfell's fog -filled walls, he still remains wrong.

_"I think you could be better, Jon. It's not that you aren't good. This thing you do with your feet, this, er - twist. It's wrong."_

Actually, if he would let himself think about it, his mere existence _is_ wrong. Lady Catelyn certainly makes sure that he does not forget. In the earlier years, Jon has tried to impress the beautiful lady of the house. He tried so hard to do his best and be friendly and courteous but he never was good with smiling or laughing and he certainly is no good with appeasing betrayed ladies. In the end he gave up, because he hates how fake his own laugh sounded to his ears, and he hated how those blue eyes would look at him with nothing but contempt. There were times when he wanted to ask her what he could do to make it better, but he knows that the only answer is for him to turn back time and prevent his own conception, something that he certainly could not do.

_"Maybe, it is better for you to not be here inside the castle after the welcoming. There will be Royal guests coming and Lady Stark wants no one but the family to be inside for the feast."_

Family. Isn't he part of the family? Lord Eddard Stark certainly makes him feel part of the family, even in his quiet and somehow roundabout way. Uncle Benjen, of course, is family, the closest one he has had since he was a kid. And the kids! The Stark children, they all treat him as family, Arya and Bran, specially. Arya and him has spent hours shooting arrows and practicing sword-fighting. He lets Arya beat him every time, just to see the smile on her face. And Bran, Bran is his special friend, the one who shares his dreams and understanding of almost anything and everything. Bran has helped him countless of times when Lady Catelyn is in one of her moods, wherein she thinks everything going wrong in the world is because of Jon's existence. In hindsight, maybe she has been right those times, but Bran always makes sure Jon thinks otherwise. And then there's Robb. How does Jon go about explaining Robb? _Wrong_? Hm, yes. Another one of the many wrongs in Jon's life and probably _is_ the biggest of all the wrongs in his life next to his existence.

_"Can you just, Jon, here - yes. But, faster."_

Whenever Jon thinks of it, there never is a good explanation as to why, of all people, it has to be Robb, his own brother. Maybe, somewhere out there, the gods are laughing at him, watching him suffer every day and every night. Did he ever think it would come to this? Hurried fingers on cold smooth skin? Never has Jon thought it as possible, to find warmth as he sins, to find comfort as he bleeds tears. He’s tried to stop once, twice, thrice but Robb finds a different excuse each time. And each time, Jon believes him.

_“It’s cold.”_

It is. It’s cold in Winterfell and Jon knows. So he kisses with passion and all the warmth he can give because it’s cold. And as he holds Robb to his body and feels him shiver, he wonders if he is even enough to extinguish the cold. But who is he kidding? He will never be enough because Robb will always deserve someone better, someone who isn’t wrong for him but right, someone who can love him without breaking him in half.

_“You always do that every morning.”_

_“Do what?”_

_“Hold my hand and squeeze it tight. Are you trying to check if I’m still here?”_

_“Among other things.”_

_“It is not like I will suddenly disappear.”_

But Jon will. Jon will go and join the Night’s Watch because that’s the only way for him to live when Robb finds himself a lady to marry and have children with. Jon doesn’t tell Robb. He lets Robb find out himself. Maybe because he wants to see how much more wrong he can be than he already is.

“You weren’t planning on telling me.”

“I wasn’t.”

“Is this how we stop?”

“You know why I’m joining. And it’s not because I want to stop.”

“What am I to you, really? Who am I to you, Jon Snow?”

“My brother.”

“And?”

“And nothing.”

There’s a pause there, wherein Jon feels the unmistakable trek of guilt from his heart to his eyes as he slowly turns to look at Robb, face unreadable in the soft glow of the setting sun.

“Well, I do feel stupid now. I just hope you’ll visit this _nothing_ one more time tonight, even if - for just one last time.”

When they fuck that night, the room smelling of roses from the oil and sex from their bodies, Jon tries to be as rough as possible. He bites along Robb’s jaw, nips at his chest and holds Robb’s hips as tight as he could, hoping to leave as much marks as possible for Robb to feel and maybe, just maybe, for him to remember Jon. Even if it’s just like this, Jon hopes and he closes his eyes as tight as his body would permit, hoping for this moment to be imprinted in his memory. But then Robb is saying something and in Jon’s state, he could not hear what Robb could possible want in this situation, and so it surprises him when Robb uses all of his strength to twist around and face him. Jon blinks down at him and sees the easy smile on Robb’s lips.

“I want to see you. Just this one last time.”

And as Jon enters him again and looks down at those eyes, he feels it again. That undeniable heat in his heart and he chokes back tears so he tries to look away but Robb wouldn’t let him.

“No, Snow. I want to see your eyes. Look at me. Look at me.”

Jon couldn’t do otherwise even if he tried and somehow, Robb has gotten control over things again, like he always does, as the roughness of Jon’s actions has subsided to an all time slow movement of push and pull, slide and glide. Jon feels all of Robb around him, a tight heat that he could never escape and Jon wonders if Robb knows, if he’s doing this on purpose. Surely, the heir to Winterfell knew he has Jon wrapped around his fingers.

“Go slow. I want this moment to last as much as forever.”

As if that would explain everything.

“You will take care of yourself.”

“I will.”

Robb has his left leg on Jon’s right shoulder, their eyes locked into one another’s as they came, one after the other. Neither makes any move to clean themselves. Robb, however, moves closer to Jon as Jon feels his eyelids dropping and he falls into a shallow sleep.

The next moment he comes to, the window no longer displays the soft orange glow of the early evening but the dark blue of midnight. He turns to his right to see Robb sitting up, holding a locket in his hands. Robb tosses it to him. Jon barely catches it.

“Don’t open it until you get to the Wall.”

“What’s inside?”

“Don’t even try to throw it off the Wall. I have a feeling you might.”

“Why? What’s inside.”

“My everything.”

When they say goodbye the morning after, both holds the other longer than is needed, touch lingering, hoping to feel each other’s warmth one last time. Because it’s cold. In Winterfell, it is cold.

“Farewell, Snow.”

“And you, Stark.”

Jon tried to throw it off the Wall. But he doesn’t want to give Robb the satisfaction. So he looks down at the small mirror inside the locket instead, his own eyes staring back at him, and hopes he could somehow tell Robb that he is his everything as well.

 


End file.
